April 2, 2014

I have hit the wall in this pregnancy.  Many women talk about how hard the first few months after having a baby are.  Not me.  For me, the hard part is the first 4 months of pregnancy and the last 4 weeks of pregnancy.  The first four months bring puking, exhaustion, and all over yuckyness.  The last 4 weeks bring exhaustion and exhaustion.  I can handle a brand new baby nursing all the time and functioning in the haze of little sleep for the beautiful babe.  I cannot handle the monumental task that just getting through the day is at this point.

I've heard someone describe a person's ability to handle things as a washing machine tub.  There is a small, medium, large, or extra large tub capacity.  You know the people that you wonder if they ever sleep?  They are extra large capacity.  My capacity right now is extra small.  I've also heard of the ability to handle things as points.  Everyone gets so many points per day.  The points may be used on physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual tasks.  Once your points are used for the day, you are done.  I don't know if all my points are going to the physical task of growing a baby or what, but my points are gone by mid morning.  My tolerance level is low.  

The funny thing about me is that as soon as that baby pops out I feel like a different person.  The pregnancy taste in my mouth is gone and I am able to taste and enjoy food again.  My energy level increases.  I feel better.  I make a deliberate effort to take it easy so my body can heal after labor and delivery, even though I for the most part feel better than before.

So, how do I handle this time until Baby Sister comes?  

I think about all the women who have trouble getting pregnant or carrying a baby.  I pray for them, and ask God to bless them.  I know that the difficulty I am going through right now does not compare to the difficulty of not being able to have children.  

I look at our five girls.  I think that I went through this tiring part of carrying them also.  But now they are here, and that hard part is for a very short period of time in comparison to the length and fullness of their lives.  

I focus on how this suffering is not for nothing.  There is a new soul that will be entering the world in about a month, and I have the privilege of knowing her and carrying her.  

Practically speaking, I am pulling freezer meals out of the freezer.  I'm telling the girls "no" more often.  I'm setting low expectations for myself.  I'm asking the girls and Mark to do more.  

I know that this is all worth it as our family grows, welcoming a brand new person.  And for all of this, I am thankful.